The Starving Artist
Day 14– September 4, 2018
By Lauren Wortman
Did you know that I am quite a talented artist? It’s true. Using nothing but a regular pencil and my own fingers I can create portraits that actually seem animated. When I was 16 I drew a picture of my younger sister as an infant. It was one of my dad’s favorites. He loved the way her eyes laughed, he had said. I won awards for my art in school all the time. My parents proudly hung my work in our home. “How did you do that!?” my classmates would ask. “I just draw what I see,” I would say. Yes, I have a natural gift. But I sheepishly admit that I don’t love doing it. I’m painfully slow about it. I spent many frustrating hours trying to get my sister’s eyes to laugh in that portrait. I simply lack the patience, I suppose. What a waste, you may be thinking. I thought so, too. At 17, when I had to choose a career path, it seemed only natural that I would go with my strengths. Art school, I thought, with anxiety and then dread. What choice did I have? I’m a decent writer, but no one makes any money writing.
It’s worth noting my priorities as a teenager. Praise and attention, for one. Money, for another. I was on a path toward dedicating my life to these things. Then I took a spiritual gifts test at church. I didn’t understand anything about Jesus then. I was applying for scholarships. I remember the test taking a lot longer than I thought it would. This made me nervous. What if I really didn’t have a gift? What if I was equally ungifted in every area?
My results at 17: teaching.
So I applied for the NC Teaching Fellows Scholarship, even though I had never once considered being a teacher.
Who would want to be a teacher? Sneer. I don’t even like kids. But it was essentially a full scholarship. I won, and I started paying attention to my teachers as people. My vision shifted. I was a gifted artist, but I was also a very gifted teacher. I found I never got tired. I didn’t care about the money anymore. Scoring those Aha! moments totally energized me.
More I’ve taught over the years, the more I’ve learned, and the more I’ve been rewarded. Spiritual gifts are like that. God so loves us. He has plans for us far beyond what we would ever dare to dream. Everything I cherish about my life has come from the decision to teach. What if I had tried to do life by my own strengths? I suspect I would be profoundly disappointed. I know I would still be trying to live up to the standards of this world. I would never have been good enough. God gave me such a gift.
Father, you know the plans you have for me. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. (Jeremiah 1:5)
Give me your vision so that I might see in myself what you see. Then call me out. I shall say, “Here am I! Send me!”