That Time I Surrendered

Day 5 — August 26, 2018

By Katie Graves

Surrender is a scary word.

Typically, we humans don’t like to relinquish control. In any area. Especially our entire lives. Our being. Our future. The unknown can be unsettling at best, terrifying at worst.

I’ve gotten pretty accustomed to my GPS giving me turn-by-turn directions, my ETA, and a list of detours on the way. I like to know what to expect. Not to mention a list of Starbucks and Chick-fil-a restaurants along the way. Necessities, y’all. It’s all about the necessities.

The problem is that I often have an idea or “vision” of what my surrender and it’s possibilities may look like. Or the “results” they may yield. You know, I’ll do my part and then God will reward my attempts of faithfulness in ways that will immediately be filled with peace, purpose and a joy that is un-explainable.

Don’t get me wrong, I still feel like these are indeed subsequent gifts in our surrendering to Him. It’s just that immediate part that trips me up.

I guess you could say I somehow still believe that when I make a decision to say “OK, Lord, I’ll do whatever You want, whenever You want, and however You want” that His response will be *or should be*

Oh, Katie, that is so noble. I am going to shower down my blessings on your life and reward you for your outstanding faithfulness. (I know, I have a lot of maturing to do in my walk with Him) But even if it’s subconsciously, I think I really tend to feel that way.

Please tell me I’m not alone in that! But more often than not, in my life at least, it hasn’t looked quite like that.

Immediately following my intentional times of surrender, my life has sometimes been subsequently filled with hardships, a diagnosis, questions and doubts, even anger when I suddenly feel my life is turned upside down. Completely opposite of what I was expecting, if I’m honest.

How long will it take for me to learn that in God’s economy, it rarely looks (or feels) like the tidy equation of  A + B = C !?  I am slowly learning that I have NO IDEA what C looks like! Or even what it should look like. His C is much different than my C.

His C has much more to do with my heart and it’s eternal well being. His C usually exposes my doubt and my weak faith in His sovereignty. His C can sometimes be painful, even. But I have come to realize that His C is indeed good. For it strengthens our perseverance and our faith in Him, and softens our hearts in a way that allows it to be transformed. It chisels and cuts away the hardened parts that are filled with pride and self-reliance. That chiseling is indeed difficult and super painful at times but oh, so necessary.

His C is always for our eternal good; not our momentary comfort. That is so hard to swallow for this girl who is addicted to comfort. But, I am learning… Learning to simply surrender my A + B and leave the [= C] up to HIM.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

“As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. 2 Samuel 22:31

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28